Get To Work!

Examples of excuses: not pretty, thin, old, or smart enough, too old or chubby.  I think most women would like to be prettier, but calling the face in the mirror pretty doesn’t make it so.  An arsenal of temporary improvements are available, but it mostly comes down to acceptance.  Maybe the excuse is not smart enough, but positive thinking doesn’t make it so.  Permanent steps can be taken to get smarter so acceptance shouldn’t be an option.  Changing size and shape is a common goal.  I’m never completely happy with mine.  There are things I can do about it and things I can’t.  For those I can, do I really want it bad enough to find the motivation to change.  It’s either that or have a distant relative leave me lots of money so I can implement change by buying motivation.  Age is unchangeable, but thankfully, I can’t say the same thing about life.  Change comes down to can and can’t.  Can – figure it out, or stop talking about it, stop complaining.  Can’t – work with what you’ve been given, or stop talking about it, stop complaining.  Yikes!  They’re basically the same; don’t talk, do, and don’t complain, get to work!

A Clothes Line

When I’m sick I still want my Mom’s way to comfort – chicken soup, saltine crackers, and ginger ale.  When I was really sad, all I wanted was my husband to hold me. He didn’t have to say a thing to bring consolation.  When I’m not happy, I find shopping helps.  Nothing like splurging on a few new trinkets to cheer me up.  Food is my quickest route to making all things better, so I keep some tasty, unhealthy stuff around for boosting moral.  Mom, husband, shopping, and food; the epitome of consolation, the essence of comfort, the bringer of satisfaction!  But are there ways, besides others and things, to bring self-comfort?  I did yesterday, after hanging sheets on the line to dry and then surrounding myself with the most satisfying aroma when I climbed into bed!  I’ve been indulging in relaxing by sleeping in each morning.  My sister inspired me to smell luxurious just for me by wearing my perfume every day, not saving it for going out!  So many ways to comfort myself, all easily within my reach, making me feel special with something as simple as a clothes line!  Yes, comfort exists, without anyone or anything but myself!

Let Yourself Go

Sunday Morning had a segment about needing haircuts, the arrival of two-toned hair, and 2” long fingernails.  What happened to DIY?  Finger nail clippers cost a few bucks and a box of hair color, not too much more.  Something’s better than nothing.  Maybe you think you’re not capable, but that’s not true, because we’re not talking about fully capable, just capable enough to get by and that’s what we’re all, currently, trying to do.  And what about wearing these strange dos proudly?  They say you’re still here.  Yes, they signify how far you’ve let yourself go, but that translates to how long you’ve survived!  Complaints don’t help, and I’ll concede they’re valid, but, and it’s a really big but, your survival doesn’t have anything to do with hair or fingernails.  How about letting them help bring some much needed humor.  The strange dos also tell me you have more important things to do than fix your hair, like learning how to be a teacher for your kids.  I hope they don’t imply you’re saving up for a $100+ hairdo, but making sure others have enough to eat.  Go ahead, let yourself go, but never ever let go of others.

Move Like A Boxer

Words from The Poisonwood Bible which describe my life in a nutshell: “My life was a business of growing where planted and making good on the debts life gathered unto me.”  As I sped through memories, I didn’t have to delve too deeply to check each one off as perfectly described by these words.  Planted – my family moved during my senior year of high school, the naive us decided a working farm would be a wonderful idea, and starting completely over.  It’s my job to grow.  What’s the alternative?  Curse where I landed?  Nope, it’s here I am, and until here was no longer I would dig in, adapt, do what needed to get done, not complain.  Debts – life brought me many things, and after the bad ones I would find myself buried in what comes after, like consequences, heartache, despair, and anger.  It’s my job to dig myself out.  What’s the alternative?  Shrivel up and die?  Nope, it’s figure it out.  Move like a boxer; get off the ropes, bob and weave, counter-punch, get up.  I don’t ever want to be stuck in one place, unable to adapt or fight back, or be knocked down for good, so a boxer it is!

What Might!

A  last minute change in yesterday’s blog turned, an ending, to a beginning worth trying to attain, because it made a significant difference.  It meant re-inventing my life wasn’t about getting to the end result, but getting to start a beginning.  Beginnings are more often associated with wonderful than endings, so why not look at the roads I choose, or have been given to take as beginnings not endings.  College – not to get a degree after meeting all the requirements, but starting a career with what I earned.  Buy a fixer-upper – not, can’t wait to finish the renovations, but can’t wait to enjoy our beautiful home.  Re-invent my life – not, I did it, but excited to see what I’m going to do with it.  I found lots of quotes about the relationship between endings and beginnings and most focus on hope for difficult endings.  But not all endings are difficult.  The burl I carved had two wonderful endings – I actually did it and it’s beautiful!  But for the endings that are, why not skip the ending, and jump right to the goal of a new beginning.  Not towards what will happen, but to the possibilities of what might happen next!

Worth Trying

As I titled yesterday’s blog, I wondered if I ever tried and gave up.  I remember failing to accomplish something and trying again; giving my first attempt another try or trying other solutions until I succeeded.  I remember messing up and trying again for a gentler outcome.  I have, many times, ended up in the, “try it you’ll like it” Life Cereal commercial.  But, I failed at trying to reconcile two different relationships.  Adding an, other people factor, puts limitations on the success of trying again – they have to want it to.  I failed at downhill skiing – fear factor – my body and speed, not a good combination.  I never considered failure during any part of the journey I took after my husband died, because I never bumped into any factors that would prevent success.  I didn’t count the attempts, anticipate the possibility of messing up, or contemplate arriving at a different outcome than re-inventing my life without him.  Looking back, every need to try involved a single challenge, lasting minutes, days, maybe weeks, not years.  But this one?  Not a challenge to try and conquer, but a beginning worth trying to attain, therefore stay the course, no matter how long.

Try

From Instant Family: “Under the surface you don’t know why you’re fine, until it’s your time.  No second chances but all we can do is try, I made up my mind.”  Fine: neither wonderful or terrible.  Fine: no worries, no problems, no fears.  Fine: no bumps, no potholes.  Fine: my answer when the truth is anything but fine and I’m not ready to admit it.  Fine: something I never question; it doesn’t need a reason.  Fine describes the majority of my ordinary life, a life sprinkled with wonderful, with terrible.  Between the fines, I enjoy wonderful, stomp on worry, solve problems, conquer fears, flatten the bumps, and fill in the potholes.  I never stayed in the between, for long; fine always within reach.  Until it was my time to leave fine for an extended period of time, not spent among wonderful, because wonderful every second for years isn’t possible, but time spent moving between just the opposite or feeling nothing.  Finding my way back to fine wasn’t about problem solving.  I wasn’t handed a problem, but a journey, one that would be anything but fine, but it would take me to fine once again, and the only thing asked of me is try.

Swaying Now

“All fear comes from trying to see the future . . . If you know what is coming, you aren’t afraid.”  (Lamb, Christopher Moore)  To see if this was true, I thought about when I was afraid and what I was afraid of.  Each one had to do with an unknown future; what’s going to happen in the next few minutes, days, years.  It’s not about generally not knowing what’s coming because that happens on a daily basis.  I do, I go, I live, more often than not, without a future in mind.  But fear is really about specific events that impact the future in ways I can’t comprehend.  It’s, a giant spider crawling up my leg, let’s get into this whitewater raft and “float” down the Hudson, or hearing your husband’s dead that slams into my brain with the realization that these things will sway what’s coming and that sway isn’t in my wheelhouse.  I want to, but can’t see the future, therefore I imagine the worst that could come, or have no idea what will come, so fear arrives, intent on taking control.  I can usually talk myself out of the coulds, but no idea?  Address the only thing I can sway; now.

Outward = Us

Why do hurts and resentments in relationships build up?  Maybe each hurt deteriorates how important you are in my eyes.  Maybe each resentment wears away at how much I appreciate you?  Throughout our “courtship” my life revolved around the love of my life and in doing so he made my life amazing.  I didn’t do things to please me, but to please him, and in doing so found my life very pleasant.  My life was more meaningful and greatly enhanced with him in it.  I believe he would say the same about me because this kind of relationship doesn’t work if it’s one-sided.  Why did, saying I do, change two-sided to one-sided?  I believe we let, what about me, replace, what about you.  We started directing important, meaningful, and who matters inward.  Didn’t I just say how amazing my life was when it revolved around him; when directed outwards towards him?  But we did just the opposite anyway.  He made my life amazing, not me, and I made his life amazing, not him.  We stopped seeing what the other needed, and never started asking, what do you need from me, or saying, this is what I need from you.

Prevailing Over Now

A promotion for a news program went something like, listen to our news; we’ll help you navigate an uncertain future.  Really?  Pretty much every piece of news inspires that uncertain future.  Where’s hope?  How about possible specific steps and a timeline to move forward?  I know from experience that the presence of devastating is very capable of preventing any kind of thoughts that a future even exists.  Right now was overwhelming, so exist, in the smallest sense of the word – breathe, eat, sleep – basic thoughts, minimal navigation.  Hope was crushed, along with joy, strength, and courage, and every reasonable thought, without  any recognition or concern they were missing.  If any kind of future was possible, I’m glad it didn’t depend on me.  I had some wonderful people helping me navigate now, aware of what I needed, and even more importantly, present.  The return of happy, capable, and the hope of a future didn’t come from a presentation of the facts, or specific steps and a timeline regarding the future, but through others caring about every, what’s happening now moment, making it possible for me to prevail over those moments, which exist, spilling over to the future which had yet to.