Every now and then I have to just ball my eyes out. It happens less often but I’m doubtful the need will ever go away, and I’m glad because I don’t want it to. After my most recent need, I thought about it, about why. An overwhelming feeling of alone is how it starts. I recognize the reality of alone often enough, but not strong enough to end with tears because the possibility still exists of finding a friend here and I’ve discovered how to keep myself company. Only when I start to really feel sorry for myself does that feeling take me to missing my husband, my best friend, and then down a road I’ve traveled many times before. The why road that never ends because there’s no answer. I’ve blamed the flood of tears on sadness, but it’s not, it’s love. Loving someone so much with a love so deep it can’t be rooted out. A love that many things tried to destroy during our marriage, but failed. A love that death can’t even conquer. So I’ll continue to love fiercely at times, letting the tears flow freely, the only way left to demonstrate my love for him.