Everyone says, give yourself time, which is fine, but what should I do with that time? There are many books on the stages of grief, but I’m not aware of any guidance on how to let reality back in, other than it takes time. I went back to work full-time within three weeks of my husband’s death, doing everything possible to avoid reality; that which grief steals, that which I need back. Getting mine back, using the slow, steady, barely detectable leak method (avoidance), required about 5 years. Some would say it takes as long as it takes, but looking back I would say 5 years is too long to hurt deeply over something that cannot be changed. Time did ease the grief because at some point I realized it had lessened, but not exactly sure how that happened. Time isn’t really the healer; it’s the forward steps, no matter their size, towards acceptance and necessary change. Steps that can just happen now and then over time, or steps that are chosen. Naming and explaining grief is not enough to conquer all that grief is and does. It’s choosing taking the forward steps; steps I’ll look back at and share.