I’m reminded of the times my husband and I fought over and over about the same things. Why did we repeat the same hurtful, destructive behavior again and again over the same issues? If the issues had been resolved the first time, they wouldn’t have risen again. We resolved some issues, like the messy toothpaste tube, but many others were repeat offenders. Did we not want to solve them? Did we even try? Marriages end because of irreconcilable differences, but why not ours? We put up with the hurt in the aftermath, instead of calling arguing what it is; unacceptable behavior, undermining the foundation of our marriage, but by not enough to call it quits. We would argue, say hurtful things, not speak to each other, sleep in separate beds until the pain receded, then say I’m sorry, and continue on as if it was over. Resolution can’t happen during the argument because we’re not listening during the yelling, hurting, and separation. The apology isn’t the resolution either; it only says now is the time to resolve, but we don’t, choosing to put it behind us instead, giving it time to catch up and bite us in the butt.