The Best Me I Can Be

The other day I wrote, it would be wonderful to have a husband, but I don’t need one.  It’s true but I’m trying to figure out when I realized it.  Always?  No, I grew up not just wanting a husband, but needing one, because I didn’t believe my life could be complete without one.  Since I had the same one for so long, the need for one was strong after he died, when I was alone for the first time in my life.  In reality that need wasn’t about any husband, but my husband.  I needed him back, not wanting or needing just any husband.  I longed for the intimacy we shared, but not desiring intimacy with another.  I longed for our close friendship and his love, but not with/from another man.  I was loved much and even looking deep within myself, I can’t find love missing from my heart.  I wish I put aside the impossible sooner, he’s not coming back, I can’t replace him.  Moving on to what’s left, which is me, and I need me, so I better get comfortable with me, like me, and fix me so I can be the best me I can be.

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