The Pull

We took my Mom to my Dad’s grave, to see his headstone and where he was buried; she didn’t want to go.  She’s in, what I call, avoidance mode.  Do or not do whatever it takes to block out reality.  Don’t deal with what you’re going to do or what your life will be like now.  People stayed with me for a couple of weeks – quiet avoidance.  I went back to work after that – thoughts avoidance.  I went away every weekend unless someone came to visit – alone avoidance.  This non-continuous, temporary avoidance was good because it let comprehension and healing in gradually.  I’m sure talking about it would have helped, but since I’m not good at that I had other things to pull me towards acceptance, like my job, decisions that couldn’t wait, responsibilities, alone time, and a grandchild on the way; all that living entails.  My Mom’s life is missing all of these so I can understand why she’s so comfortable with avoidance and I wonder what will pull her towards acceptance.  What’s left when leaving this world isn’t up to us?  It’s the oh-my-goodness mode; finding amazement and joy in all I still have. (July 14, 2016 Blog)


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