Grief, Unstoppable

As time goes by, grief changes like most things do over time.  It comes unexpectedly now, sparked by simple things like shopping for fishing lures by myself, a love scene on TV, his pack basket displaying local wines, or my grandson telling me he misses his grandpa.  Very different from recalling memories, where I now find more joy than sorrow, these moments come when they want, with no warning, leaving no time to anticipate and avoid.  I’m thinking the grief will never stop and I think what’s wrong with that?  There are so many other things I do to myself that are more harmful like eating badly, not exercising, and being impatiently angry at the smallest of things.  The impact of being sad over loosing someone who was with me for more than half my life and was still very much needed is now more emotional than physical.  I don’t hold onto my sadness like I used to, but his death wasn’t fair to him and no amount of time is going to change that and therefore diminish that part of my grief.  To miss someone forever pays tribute to the person he was, and he was an amazing person.

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