Survivable

I’ve only grieved for one person in my life, my husband.  Others have died before him and since, people I loved and yet for them, I experienced sorrow, not grief.  My experience with grief has made me conclude that grief is a disease caused by the ripping away of someone so close it’s impossible to ever be the same.  It’s a disease that is survivable but not curable; one that goes through the cycle of recurrence and remission over and over until your last breath.  There are so many diseases with names I can’t pronounce and familiar ones like cancer, that carries with it fear and hope.  New ones are being named all the time, making people aware of symptoms, preventative measures, cures, and new drugs with many negative side effects.  If I told someone I have diabetes for example, they would have at least some clue of what living with it means.  If I told someone I have grief, I’m not sure what they would think; it’ll be OK, it’ll pass?  Never and no, so I’m figuring out how to live with this individualized, difficult to understand, unknown, yet survivable disease called grief, hoping others can try to understand.

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