I had a rare dream of my husband last night. I knew it was him because of his hair, for I have yet to see his face in my dreams. Sometimes I think, if only I could have him back, everything would be perfect, but I know that’s not the case. I think if he had survived we would have had a very different view of life because death would have become very real, very possible, and very unavoidable. We would have tried to have more patience with each other, tried to show our love more, tried to show our appreciation, and tried to spend as much time as possible with our kids. I say tried because that’s all we can do. Why didn’t we try to do these things anyway? Did we just become so accustom to each other’s presence that we could no longer see what had once been treasured? In our retirement, we said we’d spend lots of time with our kids, so we didn’t need to make that a priority while we waited to get there. How we chose to spend our life was decided without regard of death; a mistake I won’t make again.