I heard the phrase, I’m so sorry for your loss, many times.  People don’t say, I’m so sorry he’s gone.  The second statement is all about the person that’s gone and the first, all about me.  I lost someone; my husband and best friend.  The word loss has many meanings regarding being damaged and defeated, mourning and facing a deficit, and all of these described me, now that a big part of me is missing.  I was reminded recently that he’s not missing, I know exactly where he is, he’s in my heart.  I didn’t realize this to be true at first.  I like to think he put himself there and hung on tight because my only thoughts were he’s gone, not hold on.  There were too many powerful forces in my heart, taking up too much room, for me to see him there.  Things like anger, fear, abandonment, and sorrow, in incapacitating amounts beyond what I had ever experienced before.  The memories of his death where there as well, oppressing every wonderful one.  Remember him meant remember his death, not his life.  If only I had written it down: Where is he? He’s in my heart. Read and believe.


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