Loss Part 2

I went to work on the bus instead of driving in.  The call came about 9am; he’s had an accident and I had to come to the hospital.  I didn’t think the words “You should bring someone with you” were unusual.  Because I didn’t have my car, my friend and co-worker took me to the hospital, 45 minutes away.  Our words in the car were positive ones; he’ll be OK, it’ll be all right.  I did pretty well, wanting to get there as quickly as I could, trying to breathe and keep the fear away.  When we arrived at the hospital we were directed to a room and told the doctor would like to speak to me.  He said my husband had a massive heart attack, he was alone and it was several hours before the ambulance came; fear and hope. He continued; he couldn’t be resuscitated, he was gone; immediate grief, so intense I couldn’t breathe or speak.  I don’t know how long it took me to go and see him but when I did, I grabbed the front of his shirt and squeeze so tight; so angry; so scared. No thoughts, just unbearable grief.

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