It’s not possible to write a self-help book on how to grieve. I believe everyone’s grief is unique. I always thought it would like being on a slide; grief slowly gliding towards a tolerable level. My grief is more like being on a roller coaster ride which started several months after my husband’s death and hasn’t ended yet. At first I went through the motions of life on auto pilot, filling every minute so I wouldn’t have to think about it. When my mind was able to think about it, grief came. My grief has not gradually declined over time but instead it can be unbearable for long or short periods of time and then it will just glide along waiting for the next sharp curve or tug of the chain to pull me to the top. The unbearable times are getting shorter and don’t happen as often but they still come. Sometimes I know exactly what triggers them and sometimes I know enough to get off the ride. I don’t believe the saying “time heals all wounds”. I think it’s more like “time eases all wounds” because we’re not built to totally forget.


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