Out Alone

Going out and doing things on my own is still very hard for me. After moving closer to my daughter, I went out to eat at a local restaurant. I walked past the door three times before I went in. I sat at the bar so I wouldn’t look or feel alone, but it was so uncomfortable. Soon after I got a job in the gift shop and would get something to eat after my shift – never got past uncomfortable. It’s been a very long time since I went out to eat by myself. It took me three weeks to convince myself I could go kayaking by myself. What if I couldn’t find the parking lot, what if I couldn’t park close enough for a short carry to the water, what if I fell in? I have gone a few times – it’s lonely so I concentrate on the scenery and the fishing! When I take a three mile run/walk I need to have my iPod with me. I’ve cross country skied and skated on my own, but these things aren’t much fun alone. I’ll keep trying even though it seems like a most unachievable undertaking.

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